How You Parent Matters

I remember one of my first play dates I had as a child, and how much it showed me about how different styles of parenting varied between me and my friends' parents. I was in 3rd grade when I invited one of my friends to spend a day with me and my mom. My mom wanted to make sure we were fed, allowed us to choose any activity we wanted to do for that day, and while she let us play together, she would sometimes interact and play along with us. I'll never forget how no matter how much my mom would offer for my playmate to eat, she just wouldn't. She asked for candy the whole day, and though I was allowed, it wasn't the only thing my mom would let me snack on. She told us we both could have any choice of candy, but that it was important to eat some type of meal for lunch. My friend would not eat, and was determined to eat candy during that whole day. What was shocking was that when her mother arrived and my mom explained the situation, her mother simply stated, "oh me and my husband give her anything she wants, she can eat candy up until dinner time when she begins to feel hungry." At that point I was a little jealous of my playmate, just imagining being allowed to eat candy from morning to night amused me, but now looking back, it's a bit mind bottling.

What I understood back then about parents that were crazy, was that ways that they were either extremely permissive or strict, can be defined psychologically in child development. A researcher by the name of Diana Baumrind, studied the different styles of parenting through interviews, testing, home studies, and identified 3 parenting styles on concordance to particular child behaviors and interactions.

• Authoritarian Parenting: This style of parenting can be remembered by the "Authority" in the style name, in which it "emphasizes control and unquestionable obedience." This style of parenting involves the "do what I say and don't question me" parents who have high control of their children's lives, and are less likely to here out there children's feelings or opinions. They are very strict in their relationships, and punish easily, having children that tend to be more withdrawn and discontent.
• Permissive Parenting: This style of parenting is that of very lenient parents who "make few demands" of their children, and allow them to control their own scheduling. Their children tend to be less disciplined and feel highly insecure.
• Authoritative Parenting: This style of parenting involves parents who emphasize a child's need to be independent and an individual, but still holds social constraints. These are the parents that may compromise more with their children, but still expect a equal level of discipline. Their children tend to feel more loved and are self-reliant. 

When I think back onto my childhood, I recognize that my mom held certain standards for me, but we were always able to talk about my opinions and views. So even when I was told I wasn't allowed to do something I wanted to, my mother would explain to me reasons why her rules were important and how we could work out things I wanted to do at other times or places. My playmates' parents have shown styles fitting to authoritarian and permissiveness, but most times I would have a hard time of holding company with them. But what I've noticed is that with playmates whose parents were authoritative style like my mothers, we got along just great, and they became my best friends for elementary school.